You don’t need the one. You are the one.

Let's talk about the cultural myth of "the one." The soulmate. The twin flame. It's a pervasive belief system that often leads to disappointment, depression, disdain, and a cycle of disorder. If this doesn't resonate with you, no worries, it's not directed at you.

Our media—films, music, everything—is saturated with the idea that we are perpetually incomplete and our lives are meaningless until we find someone to complete us. And not just anyone, it has to be "the one." The promise is that finding this person will lead to a "happy ever after" where we are finally whole. Consider the industries built on this belief: marriage, divorce, antidepressants, therapy, and counseling (not to diminish the importance of these, but they represent a significant economic force).

There’s a proverb that disappointment and resentment stem from premeditated expectations. By romanticizing love and portraying it as the ultimate fulfillment, we might overlook the conditions of our own lives. This creates an alternate reality that many become trapped in. Ironically, while claiming to hold the secret to a perfect relationship, this myth often strains families, friendships, and other partnerships.

A 2011 study found that larger choice sets can lead to greater regret and decreased satisfaction. This research, published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology by Inbar, Botti, and Hanko, explores how having more options can increase regret, especially under time pressure. Interestingly, changing one’s perspective on quick decisions can actually eliminate this regret.

Historically, marriage wasn't about love but about power, politics, family dynasties, wealth, and alliances. Love marriage is a relatively recent concept, and its track record over the past century isn't perfect. This isn't to argue for or against free or arranged marriage systems, but perhaps arranged marriages aren’t as outdated as some believe.

If you envision marriage, children, a house, and a picket fence, then modern marriage might be for you. But if you don’t want those things, if you are disabled and rely on benefits, if you’re LGBTQ+ or simply don’t desire children, then perhaps it’s not.

The idea of "the one" can drive these desires. It might also be contributing to your unhappiness. Just something to consider. “Decision speed and choice regret: When haste feels like waste.” It was conducted by Inbar, Botti, and Hanko in 2011 and published in the _Journal of Experimental Social Psychology_1.