Last week my Mother reached out over email regarding her will asking for my full legal name. We’ve been estranged from each other most of the past decade and I am primarily responsible for that estrangement. It’s nice to email each other sometimes. I gave an open detailed response about transparency, informed consent, and no surprises. She told me to ‘stop overthinking it.’
I’m on the spectrum and don’t know how to think any other way, and this was every conversation we ever had. Half of the time I am convinced my parents will outlive me by many years, and am at peace with whatever happens.
“We always end up having the same conversation don’t we?”
Scene from Better Call Saul.
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Today is Day 117 of the bloodiest invasion inflicted in my lifetime. Over 30,000 civilians, mostly children, with no escape route or recourse have been murdered by a country I have been taught most of my life to support unconditionally. I have been glued to the legal proceedings in the International Court of Justice since the beginning of this year. Despite provisional rulings ordering for the invasion to stop, it has only gotten worse. This is the most well-documented genocide that has ever happened. Journalists, hospitals, children, no one is safe.
There is a great article written by Amanda Gellender, an American Jew, titled Kaddish for the Soul of Judaism. I have it in print and have read it a dozen times for comfort and solace. I recommend every word.
While many like to frame the issue as a conflict between Judaism and Islam, this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Jews and Muslims have been good neighbors and friends for a very long time. Our religions and cultures are similar. We refrain from pork and shellfish, value modesty, and both are born from semitic languages. To be a Semite includes both Arabic and Hebrew. They are similar languages. Hebrew was extinct and unspoken as a language for 1,500 years. Arabic wasn’t. Both Jews and Muslims have keys to each other’s past, culture, and future.
War, Occupation, and Racism have only been a theme and conflict between us in the past century and it has more to do with the power interests of Europe, empire, and western expansion. It’s the people over there now and our children tomorrow.
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Excerpt from Amanda Gellender’s article:
“As I write this, the wheels of genocide are turning. As I write this, I am preparing for Shabbat. When I see Gaza, I see my own people languishing in concentration camps.
I see a world that has turned its back on us, letting us be slaughtered en masse because we aren’t quite human enough. I am having a nightmare, can you wake me up?
I’m dreaming that the Star of David is not sewn onto our clothes but affixed to the genocidal soldiers who bomb hospitals, schools, and churches with no regard for life. Who round up entire communities and shoot kids dead in the street.
I remember there was talk of Tikkun Olam and Tzedakah — is our humanity buried somewhere under the rubble? Is anyone still breathing under there? I scour bombed remnants of residential buildings for shreds of Judaism’s soul. I thought it was still here. I thought so many things that evaporated in the dust of an air strike.
We built institutions and monuments to “never forget” but look at us now. It seems we left our humanity outside the door of the holocaust memorial museum. Jews are a diasporic miracle trapped in a nation state of lies. Israel has sacrificed our humanity at the altar of nationalism.”
This past week a 16 year old non-binary teenager was murdered in a public school bathroom in Oklahoma. That kid could have been me in high school. Every year it is seemingly becoming less safe in the modern world. I hope that young person can rest in peace and power and that their horrific death will not be in vain.
Most of the increased activity in hate crimes, and anti-gay legislation has been driven by well funded Evangelical groups, hate think tanks, and billionaires and does not represent the greater culture. I hope these powers that be see their demise soon or I will be next.
Having billions of dollars should not allow anybody to ruin the world or target vulnerable groups of people with tactics of genocide. It’s been this way for way too long.
I don’t feel safe in this country. If I left I’d either go to Latin America or the Middle East. Israel is the most dangerous place for Jews in the world and even if it wasn’t I’d rather be in Syria or Yemen.
Spending 13 Days Alone in Syria (During the War)
This Youtuber is Jewish-American and has videos documenting visiting both countries. It’s not to say either of these places don’t have risks, but watch for yourself and understand what it is like in both Syria and Yemen in 2024
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In two weeks will be the ten year anniversary and reunion of our group that walked across the United States in 2014 for Climate Justice. Since then, it seems like nothing has changed for the better and has only gotten worse.
When I pledged to walk across the country then, I did so knowing there was a good chance I’d die along the way. I have next to nothing to show in my life for this now. At least military veterans get case managers and specialized healthcare.
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At this point, my only hope for a livable sustainable future is in Islamic Liberation from western military occupation. Islam is the only major religion which has a blueprint for how billions of people can coexist and live among each other sustainably. Everything we have been told about Islam in the west has been slander meant to dehumanize and justify bloodshed. It’s been my entire life, and the entire life of my parents that this has been happening. It needs to end. I already don’t like drinking and lavishness. Muslim societies know how to run and flourish for very long times. Jewish people have always been welcome in those societies. Foreign occupations are not. There are mosques, churches, and synagogues historically in every Islamic nation. Here’s a blog article with 15 Synagogues and Churches in Islamic Nations, and these are just the ones with stunning architectures.
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There was a young gay refugee in Nairobi named Atuhe, who was 22 at the time. Three years ago when he was on the streets I connected him with a benefactor, Andrew, same age, who worked with me to get him into an apartment and sustaining an income. I met Andrew at a birthday party near where I live. Last September Atuhe died alone in his apartment. Before his death he had posted on social media having hallucinations of ‘people who were no longer here.’
Last month, Andrew passed away. Two young people in the past six months in my sphere dying. Andrew belonged to a synagogue whose Rabbi ex-communicated my Roommate for wearing a Keffiyeh and praying for the children of Gaza publicly. I didn’t feel safe going to his funeral and I hate myself for that. My only wish is that both of them get to meet in person in the afterlife.
Rest in Peace
Astral Benjamin Freeman Obituary (2024) | Asheville, North Carolina
In Loving Memory, Atuhe Edgar – GoFundMe
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I’m scared of losing my ‘Bullshit Job.’ a Bullshit Job is explained in this article by VOX,
“Technology has advanced to the point where most of the difficult, labor-intensive jobs can be performed by machines. But instead of freeing ourselves from the suffocating 40-hour workweek, we’ve invented a whole universe of futile occupations that are professionally unsatisfying and spiritually empty.”
I’m getting less hours, and hours that are more isolating. I like the quiet time alone, but I’m faced with the situation where all the prospect certificates I am getting in technology are becoming less and less valuable because of AI.
Why are we allowing ourselves to become slaves of technology? Innovation was supposed to liberate us all.
What’s behind the tech industry’s mass layoffs in 2024? : NPR
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